My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
