I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize