I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
