Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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