Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
