Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.