I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
