quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
