i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
