my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
