You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
