guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
