walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
