I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
