using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
