i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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