Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
