So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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