My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
