Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
