We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
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Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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