he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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