you have to choose: penises or morals?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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