??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
