I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
