I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
