Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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