Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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