The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
