Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
