She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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