You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
