What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
