Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
