She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
