hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
