Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
