wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
