you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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