Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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