my vag is so smooth its legendary
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
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You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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