Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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