first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
