As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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