He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
