This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
