Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
