I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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