I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
false alarm, still single
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
