What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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