i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize