I wannas sexs uuuuu
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
