no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
