The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize