Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
