I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dating After Heartbreak
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.