and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
These tits shall not be calmed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
