I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
