Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
