there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
