I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize